Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
