in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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