someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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