he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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