I think I died a long time ago.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
