hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
