I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just high enough for therapy.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
