that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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