well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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