can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
