you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
