I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
