the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
