our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
