I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
