that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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