no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
