I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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