i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize