There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
