no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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