Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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