The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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