I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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