You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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