I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
