Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
