I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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