I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
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I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
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Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize