I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Who died my cat blue again?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize