he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
