Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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