im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
