she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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