you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
