I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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