handjob tips. give me some.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
