Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
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I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
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I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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