Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
