Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I came so hard my ears popped.
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