Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
