i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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