Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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