EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
