mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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