she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
