The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I love you. Go after that dick
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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