9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
