Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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