So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
