How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
