I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
