I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
