dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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