I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
