If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Princesses don't give blow jobs
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
