i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
