Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We have started to decorate penises.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
