You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
