the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
