Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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