So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
