You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Actions speak louder than pants.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
