now i know why i became what i already was.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
