And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I need a beard to bite.
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