I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
