I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
