Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
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Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
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We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
YAS. BRING CRAB.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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