Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
