Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
we're so committed to being not committed
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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