Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
well most of my day revolves around power hour
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
