fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
They have beer where we have blood.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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