So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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