I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
