the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
