OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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